


Hashtag Full Homo

by greenbucket



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Everyone is a human disaster, M/M, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-03-31 00:20:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13963266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenbucket/pseuds/greenbucket
Summary: “It’s Ransom, okay?”Nursey blinks. “Huh.”“He just seems like he’d be… competent,” Dex explains, mashing his face into his pillow after, ears flaming in the hallway light filtering in under the door.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Filling my Dex/Nursey/Ransom square on the OMGCP Rarepair Bingo :D

Nursey wriggles about until one of C’s Sharks comforters is satisfactorily covering him from the never-ending Haus drafts; it just about manages to cover his toes and come up just below his armpits, so he’s kind of freezing, but it’s chill. He’ll just pull on a third jumper in a minute.

Dex watches this whole operation from the floor beside him with an unimpressed look. Nursey gives him a look that says _what_ and Dex gives a look back that says _are you 1) done and 2) serious_ and Nursey gives back a _yes and yeah of course I am look how I managed to stretch this teeny ass comforter to cover at least this much I’m a genius_ , except that one might get a bit garbled because Dex’s expression is the embodiment of _??????_

Nursey decides to move on. “Okay, I’m comfy again. So, back to business, if you had to pick one teammate to enjoy some sweet loving with, who would it be? Hashtag full homo, obvs.”

Dex opens his mouth and then shuts it again. “I’m not talking about this,” says his voice, but the twitchy look on his face says something else.

Plus, they’ve been sinking into heart-to-heart sleepover territory for the last 45 minutes, the room dark and the two of them close on Chowder’s floor with only the sound of their hushed voices and Chowder’s quiet snoring after drinking his one Natty Light. Nurse is a little buzzed himself and Dex is pink under the ears, which usually precedes his being on the way to way tipsy. All in all, it’s prime time to share some embarrassing and emotional shit that will never be addressed in the light of day.

“Look,” Nursey says as the silence stretches, trying to get the ball rolling, “if it’s me then I’m gonna break it to you that I already know.”

“No shit,” says Dex. “Was it the first time we made out or the seventh that clued you in?”

“Eighth, actually,” Nurse says, just to be contrary. “But real talk, there’s no one else on the team that gets you going? Like, I know you say it’s all professional respect and shit but start of frosh year with Jack you were like… _into_ that, bro.”

Dex rolls onto his back and says, huffy, “He’s the definition of generational talent, Nurse, excuse me for being excited.”

“I’m not judging, dude has the softest hands I’ve ever seen and an ass to die for, but you’re saying none of that was a ‘I wanna bang him’ thing?”

“All right, he is ridiculously hot, but no.”

Nursey has his doubts about that. “Well I would definitely bang Jack,” he says, “And you know about me and C before he met Farms, and obviously Ransom is everyone’s dream dude. And then, okay, I legit hate myself for it? But Holster with those eggs at breakfast kinda does something for me.”

_Fuck me_ , thinks Nursey, shutting his eyes tight. He must be drunker than he thought to be admitting that kind of shit, fucking _Holster_ and his eggs, and he can only hope Dex is so scarred by it that he represses ever knowing it lest the chirping never end.

He squints one eye open to see if Dex looks more nauseated or delighted, only to find him biting his lip hard and looking torn. The next moment he says, way fast and a little too loud, “It’s Ransom, okay?”

Nursey blinks. “Huh.”

“He just seems like he’d be… competent,” Dex explains, mashing his face into his pillow after, ears flaming in the hallway light filtering in under the door.

Nursey’s brain has turned to static at some point in the last thirty seconds, but he laughs out a “Bro,” because otherwise he’s going to blurt something horrifying like that he’s gone from a pleasantly sleepy-buzzed to all too aware and rock hard in a second flat. Ransom and Dex together is… an idea. An image for sure. Definitely something to think about alone in his own bed rather than on C’s floor with Dex a foot away, though.

“Shut the fuck up,” Dex groans into the pillow.

On autopilot, Nursey chirps, “Excel sheets getting you hot and bothered, huh?” His mind scrambles for some kind of play on sheets. Hot hockey jock bro in the streets, anxious hella smart hockey jock bro ( _who’s still super hot and probably actually really competent oh fuck_ ) in the (Excel) sheets? He’s supposed to be a language dude, but his brain is still white noise.

Meanwhile, Dex has somehow got redder. “Fuck off, I don’t have a– a _competence_ kink or whatever the fuck you’re thinking.”

“Hey, you said it first. And this is a kink-shaming free zone, thank you very much.”

Dex flings out one arm vaguely in Nurse’s direction; Nurse feels his hand just about make contact near the top of his thigh and it really doesn’t help the hard-on situation. Not that Nurse has a thing for hands. It’s a kink-shaming free zone, anyway, if he did, which he doesn’t.

“It’s not the Excel sheets and stuff,” Dex says after a pause, and then, “Well, it is because I _appreciate_ those things, okay, but in a non-sexual way. He’s just _so_ hot and – don’t laugh – so beautiful?”

Nursey can’t help a snort at that. Ransom just on a physical aesthetic level really is a work of art, blessed by whatever higher power to be the exact most attractive combination of annoying-hot jock and breathtaking-hot Adonis (with the heartbreaking addition of being funny and friendly and committed too, oh God) but that doesn’t mean it’s not funny to hear Dex say it. He’s sobered by Dex kicking him in the ankle hard for laughing, right where it stings because growing up with siblings imparts that kind of knowledge on you.

“I said don’t laugh.”

Nursey kicks Dex back just to be even. “Okay so you and Ransom. I mean––”

“Don’t even say it, Nurse.”

“— like I would totes be tapping that myself if he wasn’t, like, _Ransom_ , you know?”

Dex makes a squeaky groaning sound. “Are you serious?” he asks and then when Nurse lets the silence speak for him, “… fuck, I know.”

Nursey has to laugh a little at the despair packed into just those three words. “Am I right or am I right,” he says, feeling a little steadier now his brain is blaring _Dex and Rans fucking Dex and Rans fucking oh my God Dex and Rans fucking_ in the background rather than at the very front. _What about Dex and Rans and_ you _fucking_ , says a little voice at the very back, and Nurse squashes that down at the speed of light, because if thinking of Dex and Ransom together got him hard he doesn’t want to know what throwing himself in the mix will do.

“He’s just so…” says Dex, sighing.

“I know, man.”

“But he’s team.”

“I know. And just so _beautiful._ ”

“Shut up,” says Dex reflexively, then with more irritation, “Not that you get to complain about people being beautiful. Look in the mirror sometime.”

“Aw, thanks Poindexter, you’re not so bad yourself.”

Dex’s fading flush returns rapidly and with vengeance. “I just––” he says then stops. Nursey lets him pull his words together, even as the urge to push and to chirp rises up, and is rewarded when Dex continues, “I just think about it so much. Like actually doing it, with him. I can’t even imagine, it would be so much. Me and him and _you_ ––”

Nursey can admit his “Me?” is more of a squeak than anything. The little voice he’d squashed earlier is having a party in his brain.

Dex looks like he wants to floor to swallow him. “Ever since that weekend,” he says by way of explanation.

“Oh,” says Nursey, because he knows the one. They’d had a little d-man mentoring session scheduled with Ransom and Holster, only Holster hadn’t been able to make it because he’d caught the flu that had knocked out half the team by the next weekend, including the three of them. Nursey had half written off the vibe of that session as an early onset fever dream, but if Dex was saying he’d felt it too then it must have been legit.

Long story short, there had been a lot of lingering touches and Rans’ head hooked over Nursey’s shoulder unselfconsciously to talk practically against Nursey’s ear, pulling in Dex close on the other side, and Nurse had been half hard the entire time; Ransom is a pretty intense guy when you come down to it and having all of his focus directed at just him and Dex had been _intense_.

“Me too,” he tells Dex. He’d jerked off twice the evening after the session thinking about it, about _them_ , trying to keep quiet and quick in the shower so his roommate didn’t get suspicious. 

“Oh,” says Dex. He’s turned back over to look at Nurse again, waiting.

Nursey deliberates for a moment, because if he speaks then he’s crossing a line. Him and Dex have made out a bunch of times, made it to legit sex a couple of them, and there are maybe some other feelings going on but neither of them wants to explore that right now. Bringing someone else into their thing is a line he hasn’t even poked at in the same way yet, hasn’t considered the borders of. It could be messy or a mistake or both.

But whatever was going down in that session was really hot, if he’s being honest, and he saw stars when he jerked off in the shower thinking about it, and Dex is clearly into it, and most important of all Nursey is pretty drunk, so he says, “I bet he could stretch it out for hours and hours. Like, edging master, you know?”

Dex shuts his eyes, wriggles a little under his own borrowed tiny Sharks comforter. “Yeah.”

Nursey takes that as permission to carry on. “Like, kissing. You know how focused he gets with stuff? He’d just drag it out forever. And the dude’s got with half the Samwell student population, he’s got to have some serious skills. And he’d be kissing you, or me, or both of us, and it’d all just be right _there_. It just blows my mind even thinking about it, like I know how much handies are a thing for you and what if it was me _and_ Rans? Like, four hands has got to be better than two for the ultimate handjob experience, right? Or I get to go down on him while he’s doing you, neither of you would even need to help me out because that would just be– _so_ hot, oh my God.

“And if we had time, to actually _do_ shit. You’ve seen Rans’ thighs, he could probably keep it going for so long, we could try that multiple orgasms thing again, remember that?” Nurse flips over onto his front, his cheek hot against the pillow where his head is turned to still look at Dex, and continues, “And I bet he would just––”

“Nursey, _stop_ ,” says Dex, too loud in the hushed bubble they’ve created around themselves. His voice is unsteady, and he’s flushed a blotchy red all over.

Nursey stops talking and realises he’s been half grinding his dick into the carpet, C hopefully sleeping peacefully a foot away and Dex even closer definitely not sleeping. Nursey is very determinedly not looking in the area of Dex’s crotch but everything is fast and close and the comforter is sticking a little to his skin where he’s been getting sweaty thinking about him and Dex and Rans and–– he forces his hips to be completely still.

Dex’s breathing is heavy and loud in the sudden quiet. He turns onto his back and Nursey presses his face into the pillow and focuses.

“I’m sorry, man,” Nursey says after a moment, “I didn’t mean to––”

“No, no, you’re good,” Dex is quick to reassure, and then smiling a little sheepishly, “I just haven’t come in my pants since high school, you know?”

“Oh,” says Nurse, choked in the most exposing way, and _wow okay,_ _who knew that was a thing for me_. Focusing out the window, straight back to square one.

Dex makes an embarrassed noise and asks, “Was that too much?”

_In like the best way_ , Nursey thinks. “Dude, I am legit _this_ close. Me and C’s floor are about to have an experience together.”

And now it’s Dex’s turn for a choked “Oh.” And then, “Need a hand with that?”

They manage a solid twelve seconds of scrambling making out that for all it lacks finesse has Nurse right back at the edge he’s so worked up, and if Dex would kiss just a little further down his neck, with just a hint of teeth, and if he would move just _there_ ––

“If you guys fuck on my floor I’m literally never speaking to either of you ever again,” comes Chowder’s voice, flat and tired out of the pile of duvet he’s snuggled into on his bed. “Like, I’m never inviting you to sleep over and I’m never talking to you in class and I’m blocking every single shot from you in practice for ever and ever.”

They go still.

“Ever?” asks Dex. “You’re never ever going to speak to us again?”

“Never ever ever?” asks Nursey. “Gonna keep that up forever ever?”

C groans and rolls around in his duvet nest a little. “Like three days, whatever, don’t make me laugh saying stuff like never ever ever never, okay? I’m trying to be mad at you for waking me up by talking about fucking Ransom.”

Nursey looks over at Dex, whose expression is lit up with the same assholeish delight Nursey’s feeling in his own chest. “Well, forgive me for correcting a technicality, C, but I _believe_ it was _me_ fucking Rans while Dex was lick–”

Chowder picks up his pillow to throw at them, then seems to reconsider and tucks it back under his head. He sounds like he’s smiling when he says, “As if, you were just talking seriously tame stuff. Go to _sleep_ , you hornballs.”

Dex and Nursey both snort at ‘hornballs’ and spend the next couple of minutes chirping the shit out of the word, and by extension Chowder, who falls back asleep about twenty seconds in.

When they’ve exhausted that avenue, the room is quiet again, just the two of them facing each other on Chowder’s floor, but the mood is gone. Nursey has been riding the wave of missed-sleeping-window energy for a good while and now the tiredness has cycled back around; his eyes feel heavy, and the comforter pleasantly cosy even as he knows intellectually his toes are freezing.

Dex’s eyes are shut and he’s breathing slowly with his mouth gaping open, which Nurse recognises as his being halfway to out for the count.

“We’re going to talk about this tomorrow, right?” Nursey asks, because if they aren’t he needs to know and be able to voice his objection to it.

Dex makes a face, presumably at the thought even in his semi-conscious state of talking emotions and relationships. Nursey gets that, but at the same time he doesn’t want to fuck this up. Whatever this is, if it’s even a thing. It was really hot, okay, even just in theory, and Ransom is awesome, and he doesn’t want to miss out on that opportunity.

After a long while where Nurse feels himself slipping closer and closer to sleep, Dex gives a thumbs up. Nurse fistbumps it, because he’s tired and drunk and the people in the room already see him at his goofiest on the daily so why not. He’s sure they can figure out between them how to be smooth with Ransom when the time comes.

 

* * *

 

Ransom stares at Dex and Nursey, who are standing in front of him very red and very fake-chill respectively, and both very fidgety. He was just getting some pie during his study break and now he’s been ambushed. Half his brain has gone blank while the rest is setting off alarm bells about how he’s going to overrun his seven-and-a-half-minute allotted break and _fail his entire degree oh fuck_. A voice in his mind that sounds suspiciously like Holster’s reminds him to take a breath and focus on the issue at hand.

Not that the issue at hand makes him feel any calmer.

“Me have sex with you guys? Like, together?” he asks, just to be sure.

They look at each other. Dex opens his mouth then shuts it and elbows Nursey hard; Nursey gives him a desperate look before saying to Ransom, in a far more chill way, “Chyeah, if you want.”

Ransom is holding the last remains of (according to Excel) Bitty’s thirteenth pie of the week on a plate held together with double sided tape and hope. The kitchen is a bit of a mess, with no one having enough free time or being at the appropriate stage of procrastination to clean it. Dex looks (and kind of smells) like he needs a fucking shower, and Nurse has pen on his face, and Ransom isn’t proud to say he’s put off laundry for so long that he’s currently wearing nothing but Lardo’s dressing gown and Holtzy’s rank boxers.

With finals week having the whole Haus and extended SMH in full meltdown mode, it’s probably the least classy threesome proposition Rans has experienced, and he’s experienced a fair few over the years.

His heart is still fucking soaring into the region of his throat and somewhere in the free space that isn’t blank surprise and exam stress, a mini-Ransom in his brain is fist pumping himself into oblivion. In the three seconds he has left to respond before it becomes unspeakably awkward, Ransom vividly flashbacks to a literal matter of days ago where he’d hung off his bunk and whined to Holster for a good forty minutes about this whole situation.

“I have tried every hint I can think of, dude,” he’d said, “Like, I’ve tried verbal hints, I’ve tried physical stuff within the bounds of not being creepy, I’ve tried getting with people where they can see. Do you think they’re just not interested?”

“Yeah, I mean you know, just gotta try your best and really keep on persevering,” Holster had said from over at the desk, without looking away from his laptop.

“So you think they’re into it?”

“No, no, no, Rans, you are _the_ hottest dude at Samwell. Don’t sell yourself short like that.”

Ransom had thrown his sweaty workout shirt at Holster, the that he’d left out to dry over the edge of the bed frame, and Holster had shrieked as it landed with a damp _thwack_ across the back of his neck.

“Dude, what the fuck?”

Ransom had sighed. “You weren’t even listening to me, man. I’m bearing my fucking heart to you over here and you don’t even care, you’re just jerking off to your econ reading.”

“There is literally nothing that could kill my boner abilities more than this reading, Ransypoo,” Holster had told him, and then risked breaking his neck by spinning in their shitty broken desk chair to face Ransom which made Rans feel more forgiving until he’d continued, “Except hearing you whine about wanting to get down and dirty with Dex and Nurse for, like, the _billionth_ time.”

“Holtsy,” Ransom had whined.

“Just fucking ask them, bro.”

Ransom sighed again. “But what if they say no and I run literally everything. Like, Excel says it would probably be fine–”

“–I don’t even want to _know_ what the metrics are for that, Rans, or who’s on it. But wait actually I totally do, you gotta show me that sheet sometime–”

“–but I just don’t know. I don’t want to graduate without trying it out though, you know? Like they are _way_ hot, and I also kind of like them? Like, _like_ like them? It’s horrific, dude.”

“Just ask them, then, for fuck’s sake,” and then Holster had thrown the sweaty shirt back and it had landed on Ransom’s face and he’d been distracted by shrieking himself.

_Wow, I really need to do laundry_ , Ransom thinks to himself as he realises he still hasn’t put that shirt in the wash. And then he comes back to himself and realises Dex and Nursey are watching him anxiously for a response. A response to their invitation to have a threesome with them. As if Ransom hasn’t been lowkey pushing for it for legit months.

Man, they are so oblivious and so hot. He’s going to rock their worlds.

“Sure thing, dudes,” he says, mentally straightening his snapback and adjusting his sunglasses that Holtzy said make him look like a douche but Rans _knows_ make him look smoking. Doesn’t matter if he’s in a dressing gown and undies right now, either; Dex and Nursey still want to get it. Which is really reassuring, actually.

Nursey sags with relief and Dex squeaks out, “Really?”

Ransom wants to exit with some kind of sexy and mysterious line that will have the anticipation building for days between them until he has time for more than his allotted ten-minute morning-or-bedtime jerk off session, but he catches sight of the clock and realises he’s gone _way_ over his study break slot. He’s going to have to eat this pie in three fucking bites, and he’s halfway out the room before he remembers to reply, struggling to form words instead of just voice a stream of bio keywords.

“For real. If we all survive this finals week, we’re going to kick Holster out to Esther’s or the library or somewhere and have a whole _weekend_ of celebrations.”

Dex and Nursey both look a little struck dumb at the thought.

“That means we’re going to have a 48-hour sex marathon,” Ransom clarifies, “with strategic breaks for hydration, nutrition, and Netflix.”

Dex goes scarlet and Nursey makes a wheezing noise. Ransom takes that as confirmation of understanding then sprints up the stairs three at a time, keeping the pie balanced because he’s a pro like that, to get back to studying with a little extra spring in his step. He’s a pretty committed and driven dude, and neither Dex or Nurse are slackers, but a little extra incentive to make it through finals never hurt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Dex is pretty sure his entire brain and probably, like, a kidney have been sucked out his dick by the time they stop for another Netflix and food break.

He takes a moment to catch his breath, still shaking a little from his last orgasm. Dex knows he’ll probably ache tomorrow, but right now his muscles feel pleasantly warmed and used, like after a good practice. Except – at least in his experience – practice doesn’t involve a bit where he lays down with his head resting on Ransom’s frankly awe-inspiring abs and has Ransom run his hands through his hair while Nursey takes his turn getting them all a warm cloth and snacks.

“You good?” Ransom asks. The huskiness of his voice and (as much as it embarrasses Dex to even think it) the care in it, has Dex shutting his eyes tight and swallowing down a confusing combination of sappy emotion and turned on before he replies, “Great.”

Rans leans down and pecks Dex’s temple, clicking play on his laptop in the same motion. “Comfortable?”

“Could do with a softer pillow, really,” says Dex, stroking one hand along Rans’ abs and watching with some enjoyment as goosebumps rise.

Nursey appears in the doorway, laden with towels and snacks, and throws one of the chip packets at Dex’s head. “So ungrateful, Poindexter,”

Rans snatches the chips before Dex even gets a good look at them and talks grossly around a mouthful, “Some people just won’t be pleased, huh?”

Dex pokes him, but his retaliation is lost in Nursey clambering aboard to lie across the rest of Ransom and ruffling Dex’s hair like a douche while he does. There’s the sound of him kissing Rans obnoxiously loudly.

“Have some respect for the beauty of the universe, assholes,” Dex tells them, because he wants to get in on that but fuck is he exhausted, “And pass me some chips, too.”

Nursey pours a handful of Cheetos into Dex’s open mouth, a system they developed ages ago, and Ransom laughs at them when Dex chokes a little on the mush. For a minute or two, they quietly watch Neil deGrasse Tyson inform them about the universe and as much as Dex wishes they could be going at it constantly (it’s so much better, and realer, than he imagined) it’s some pretty cool shit. And then Dex feels a hand creeping along his side towards his hip. He sighs.

“Nurse, what the fuck, come on. You are not touching my dick with Cheeto dust on your hands.”

Nursey’s grin is at his most assholeish when Dex cranes his head back to look, and Dex tells himself firmly he doesn’t think it’s hot or cute or charming, especially when Nurse says, “But why not? It’d match, if you know what I mean.”

“Ha ha. I’ve never had someone joke about that before, how original.”

“That was kind of low hanging fruit, bro,” says Ransom reasonably.

“Fine,” Nursey rubs his hands on the blankets, which are already more disgusting than Dex can bear to think about, and licks the last of the dust off for good measure. “Happy now?”

“I guess so. Just let my dick recover a minute, yeah?”

Nursey gives him a pat of understanding, and Dex lets himself sink back into learning about the universe. He gets so into it – space is some freaky stuff – that it must have been a good twenty minutes when he realises that Nursey and Ransom are making out behind him, and that what he’s been feeling against the back of his thigh for the last while is actually Nursey’s dick.

Because Dex is a bit of a dick himself, he carries on pretending to watch simulations of black holes serenely forming until he can hear Nursey starting to moan, and for Ransom to jostle them all a little trying to pull Nursey in closer, before he starts to grind back against Nursey’s dick, just a little.

Nursey moans for real then, and Ransom gives Dex an approving nudge. From what Dex can tell watching their reflections in the laptop screen he carries on kissing Nurse, mouth working just under Nursey’s jaw in a way Dex knows from experience gets Nursey more hot and bothered than almost anything else. It definitely seems to be working this time, if the way Nursey’s almost moving in time with Dex now and the sounds Rans is making are any kind of indicator.

There’s something ridiculously hot about not being able to fully see what’s going on behind him, only really being able to hear the sounds Rans and Nursey are making and feel them moving behind him.

Sure, Dex could turn around and it would probably be just as hot, because they’re all still naked with just their blanket nest to (partially, occasionally) cover them, but the lack of stimulation is almost what makes it so much. He doesn’t even reach to press a hand against his own erection for just a little relief, just lets himself feel Nurse against him and Ransom under him and his own pulse beating hard in his throat, his breath coming fast between his lips that are still swollen and sore from kissing earlier.

It’s practically hypnotic, the endless twisting arousal, and Dex isn’t sure how much time has passed when Nursey finally speaks, voice breaking slightly.

“Jesus fuck, Ransom- Dex, _please_.”

Dex shudders a little, feeling how desperate Nursey is against him, but doesn’t adjust his rhythm. Nursey presses harder, and then Dex watches Nurse’s reflection reach down between him and Ransom, and then Rans is gasping out, flailing out blindly and grabbing hold of Dex’s shoulder.

“Does that feel good?” Nursey asks, and Ransom is telling him _yes_ and _holy shit_ and Dex is so hard it aches. But he doesn’t do anything about it just yet, not with Ransom’s words getting more and more clipped in a way Dex already recognises as a sign he’s close, and not with the movement of Nursey’s hips against him getting jerkier by the second.

Ransom is the first to come, with just a short cry and his hand closing hard enough on Dex’s shoulder to be just this side of painful. Dex forgets all about it when Rans’ hips buck in a way that dislodges Nursey from on top of him, has Nursey’s dick suddenly pressed just between Dex’s thighs. The moment suspends for twice as long as it should, like time itself is a little taken aback at how hot Dex finds someone literally just pressing their genitals against his legs, before Nursey is following after Ransom, silent and shaking.

Dex stares unseeingly across the room once Nursey has gone still, listening to both of them come down and feeling Nursey’s come cooling on his skin. Space Odyssey is still playing on Ransom’s laptop. He’s so close that he’s pretty sure if either of them so much as breathe in the direction of his dick he’s going to lose it, and not in a cool and sexy way, so he stays quiet and wills himself away from the edge.

Eventually, Nursey asks, “Dex? You still with us there, bro?”

Dex swallows, half chokes on how dry his throat is, manages a croaky, “Yep.”

“Sorry we kind of left you to sort yourself out there,” says Ransom, “super not cool. Tired dick or not, no one should be having to jerk themselves off in a threesome unless they want to.”

Nursey pats the back of Dex’s neck in agreement and Dex whines, just a little, before he can help himself.

“I didn’t actually, uh… you know,” he explains.

Nursey’s head pokes up over his shoulder, eyes widening and then his pupils too as he looks at Dex’s still very much erect dick.

“Dude,” he says, somewhere between impressed and way-too-turned-on.

“Dex didn’t come yet?” Ransom asks, although too wiped to sit up and see for himself. “That’s fucking hot, bro.”

When Ransom doesn’t offer more, and Nursey still looks slightly punch drunk with orgasms and ongoing arousal, Dex says awkwardly, “Thank you.”

Rans snorts. “Dex, I would so totally suck you off right now if I wasn’t half dead,” he says, and then with a smirk that reminds Dex he is at least 40% asshole jock, “Hey, what was that you were mumbling just now, Nursey? About getting fucked?”

Dex knows from experience that talking about whatever shit Nursey has spouted just before he’s about to come afterwards is a good way to get a hard pinch on the arm, but either that only applies to Dex or Nursey is still worked up enough not to mind.

“Yeah,” says Nursey, eyes still on Dex’s dick. “I mean, fuck off, Rans, I was vulnerable there. But yeah.”

Dex’s mouth is back to painfully dry.

The thing is, Dex and Nursey have never actually got to the point of penetrative sex. That One Time with the Multiple Orgasms, the memory of which Dex still whips out without diminishing returns for some very satisfactory masturbation, had occurred with Dex just teasing around the edges of fingering, not actually even getting one finger in.

“Yeah?” he asks.

Nursey’s eyes are very dark. “Well, I mean, only if you’re into that, bro.”

“I would totes be into that,” says Ransom. “Just for the record.”

“Same,” says Dex, because same.

Nursey’s face is caught somewhere between _holy shit this is gonna be amazing_ and _oh no new experience hello anxiety_ and _be chill be chill be chill_ , by Dex’s estimation. He can relate, excluding the attempts at being chill. He might have his legit dick legit in Nursey’s ass within the immediate future, with Ransom hopefully somehow involved ( _what if Nursey sucked his dick, you know Nursey loves that- and at the same time as you- holy fuck abort-_ ) if he’s recovered by then; this is not the time for being chill.

“Sweet,” says Nursey, “I nominate Dex to find us some lube, and then let’s get this Multiple Orgasms: Part 2 show on the road.”

Dex nearly brains himself and snaps his dick in half tripping over the laptop in his scramble to locate whatever lube Ransom-or-Holster have hidden away, unable to feel embarrassed even as it sets of a round of chirping from Nurse and Rans.

They look pretty picturesque all wrapped in blankets and each other when he glances over, and it sets off something warm in his chest when they only laugh harder when he flips them the bird.

“We love you really, Dex,” says Nurse, and Ransom blows a kiss his way.

“Whatever, losers,” Dex says, because otherwise he’s going to get mushy about it. “One of you help me find the lube already, or I’m putting on that remix of Jack’s most boring interviews and no one’s getting fucked by anyone.”


End file.
